Labour and Delivery

Labour and Delivery
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When I saw the positive line in the pregnancy test kit no words to describe the happiness me and my hubby had felt. But in the deep end of my mind there was a little fear of labour pain. But then I thought let me enjoy the first 8 months as labour is somewhere in the ninth month. But for a person like me the smell of hospital was a night mare and any kind of syringe could make me run marathon, I dreaded labour very much.

The first 6 months with visits to doctor and folic acid tablets and very yummy food from my mother in law and fruits carefully selected and given to me by my father in law and love that is showered on me from my husband I enjoyed all of it thoroughly. Very soon it was 7th month and I went to my moms house. Well though I was becoming huge suddenly after long time when you go
to your mothers house with no repsonsibilities and when you get so much attention and pamperings do I need to say that I enjoyed that also.

Then came the ninth month along with it bringing some dreams to me. Though I hardly slept in the night still whenver I slept there was some dreams. Sometimes they were crazy like as soon as my kid is born its starting to walk or its talking or its too huge , sometimes they were so nice like I deliver the most beautiful baby in the world or like I go to doctor and the doctor saying
oh no you are already into labour and without any trace of pain I deliver and sometimes its like so dreadful like I couldnt make it in labour and just the way they show in cinema the doctor comes out and removes his specs and tell my hubby that sorry we could only save the kid.But with all this still there was one confidence that is if my hubby held my hands I was some how very sure I
wouldnt feel pain.
Then came the dday. I was lying on sofa and watching some junk serial. It was 10 in the night. Suddenly my mobile rang and I woke up quickly and felt a sprain. Thats it I never knew it was contraction and I thought it was sprain and continued to watch the serial and in that there was a lady who got labour pain and is being taken inside. I immediately thought if that lady had a
boy I will also have a boy etc. See Idle mind devils workshop. To my horror that lady dies delivering the baby making me more nervous. The whole of night I couldnt sleep because of fear and because of my pains.

Next day my hubby called and I told him that I got sprain. The first thing he told is to go to doctor. So I went to doctor and she checked and told am having contractions and asked me to get admitted.Oh No So soon...As she was checking me for contractions in the labour room there was a lady next to me delivering. The shouts and screams from her made me all the more
nervous. Oh God what situation I had put myself in is the only thought I had and I couldnt control my tears. I called my husband immediately and cried my heart out and he immediatlely started to reach me. Next thing I decided was no matter what and however is the pain I am not going to tell anyone till my husband comes. Because somehow I thought I could handle the first stage myself but inside labour room I know I couldnt do without my husband. The whole day they gave me only fluids and I got more tired with the pain and fluids and finally when my hubby came and held me for the first few minutes there was really no pain.
Then came the longest night I had ever spent because of pains. And in the morning they induced pain and then I understood what is contraction and what is labour pain. I initially felt I should experience what is labour pain but in reality It was unbearable. Suddenly my husband remembered of epidural and asked the doctor to give me epidural. But by then though I was awake nothing went inside my head. After epidural was given I was literally normal. No pain and I could even smile at my husband. Then came the most fearful hour the labour and my husband was asked to leave the room. I was too shocked but couldnt speak anything. Slowly my pain was back and when I told
the doctor she told now unless I have pain I wouldnt be able to push. Then it started. They put the oxygen mask and started shouting at me to push. All the things I thought I should do like breathing,prayers etc nothing came to my mind. All I could feel was the pain and the tiredness by pushing. Suddenly the mask fell down and I started coughing. For a split second I saw the worried face of doctor and felt that am not going to make it. But then at that time all that mattered to me was no matter what happens to me my darling baby should be safe. But then the doctor came near me and started talking to me that she also got severe cough in her delivery etc etc of which nothing mattered but her smile gave me a new set of confidence. They put back the oxygen mask and in the next few minutes I had delivered. God Gifted me my cute little princess.

The thing that is so wonderful is how God could suddenly give confidence and strength to a fearful person like me and how a new soul is born from a woman and how suddenly nothing matters to a mother other than her kid is all beyond words and still a mystery. Now as I see my daughters face all the pain seems to be worth of it. And now I keep telling others dont worry its
normal, You wont feel anything once your baby is born :)

The Gift

The Gift/*/*/*/*/*/*
Two Days!!!! Suddenly two days seemed to be more than 2 years. Never knew that it would turn out to be this serious. It had been there for couple of months. I kept forgetting where I kept my car keys or spectacles,remote etc and I thought at 70 you cannot remember everything. But yesterday when in my own street I couldnt locate my house it is then that I got scared and rushed to the doctor.All he said is it could be due to some tension or pressure or worst it could be Alzemeirs. He took all the tests and had asked me to come after 2 days. I couldnt imagine a life with Alzemeirs and the first thing that comes to my mind is my wife. Oh no now I have only 2 days to prove myself as a worthy husband.

Fifty years of married life and I know I had been very faithful to my wife and had been a tee-totaller and above all I had loved her more and more as every year had passed by. But one thing that would be missing in our married life is romance. May be its in the blood probably because I could never be romantic or emotional or sentimental. Being a supervisor in a transport company, I had always felt as a boss both at home and outside. And when Raji came to my life
she was just the opposite of me. She is very emotional, lovable and romantic and above all she could empathise with others which made her close to all our relatives and she had lots of friends.

She always had some reason to celebrate and I had wondered seeing her energy
level. Not only that she also always did something to surprise me. It would either be my favorite food or some love you message or something. Ofcourse I had enjoyed them but I wouldnt be able to do the same. And when I tried doing it she understood that I did out of compulsion. And one day she even spoke to me that she doesnt need any surprise or gifts from me, and I felt so bad to even see her straight in her eyes.

Now as am driving towards my home when I think about the past there is a sense of guilt I have. Does my wife really love me even now. I had been selfish and I had been arrogant and when am in tension or anger or frustration I had shown it on my wife. Its a irony that always your outlet of tension or anger is on the person for whom you care the most. Infact I dont exactly remember wehn was the last time I had spoken with love to her. It had always been a routine conversation between us and I think it was around 5 years back that she hinted me about it but as always I had never understood it. And now I just have two days to let my wife know that I love her deeply and to tell her all those words that I have never told.

True to my heart if I get a chance to go back to my twenties and if I get a chance to marry again my heart would definitely choose my wife.Raji again but will she choose me. I would choose her because when I show frustration or anger she was patient with me, she made my life meaningful with all those cheerful moments, she had taken care of my parents well, though she initially was disappointed of me being non romantic still she endured it. But when I ask her the same thing will she have atleast one reason to choose me. Well may be I would forget everything because of my disease but I need to know if she would choose me.

I stepped inside my house lost in my thoughts and Raji was reading a magazine. She looked at me and as I expected she asked me what happenned you look so upset. Thats my Raji she could judge me exactly by my looks and my tone. I said nothing am tired. Again she asked tell me know what happenned and this time I told her please get me something hot to drink. Now she looked more startled.
Whats this...Generally he would have shouted at me for asking like this. But today he seemed to be patient. These are the thoughts that crossed Rajis mind. And she came out with two cups of coffee.

Now is the time I thought. And I asked Raji, Raji if you get a chance will you marry me again. I could see the sudden spark in her eyes.

Ofcourse I do but why are you asking me this.

No please I want to know why you would choose me again.

Because I love you. And she started giggling. What happenned old man that suddenly you are becoming romantic. Planning for some affair outside is it?

No Raji. Please I want to know. I had never been a romantic and had never done anything that could have got you happiness. I could see tears in her eyes and then she spoke.

All she told me is love is not give and take. Love is unconditional. My way of expressing love is with gifts and surprises and your way of expressing is to protect and care for me, to understand me. I love you and will always love you. Initially I had sensed disappointment but when I found out your way of expressions its just your presence that was and is a big gift for me old man.

Two days later I got a call from the hospital that it was not Alzemeir. But honestly I had forgotten that I had been to hospital also. Because now I dont want to waste even a single second and want to enjoy every second and want to celebrate love with my most precious gift life had given me - My wife.

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