Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Student Teacher

Student Teacher

A first-grade teacher, Ms Neelam (Age 28) was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked,"Boy, what is your problem?"

Boy answered, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!"

Ms Neelam had enough. She took Boy. to the principal's office. While Boy. waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms Neelam he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

Boy. was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy.: "9".

Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy.: "36".

And so it went with every question the principal thought a third-grade should know. The principal looks at Ms Neelam and tells her, "I think Boy can go to the third-grade."

Ms Neelam says to the principal, "I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?" The principal and Boy both agreed.

Ms Neelam asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?
Boy., after a moment "Legs."

Ms Nee lam: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
Boy.: "Pockets."

Ms Neelam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
Boy.: Coconut

Ms Neelam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy. was taking charge.
Boy.: Bubblegum

Ms Neelam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs? The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands

Ms Neelam: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, okay?
Boy.: Yep.

Ms Neelam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Ms Neelam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Ms Neelam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Ms Neelam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Firetruck

Ms Neelam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u dont get it u have to use your hand.
Boy.: Fork

Ms Neelam: What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME

Ms Neelam: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher, "Send this Boy to IIM Hyderabad, even I got the last ten questions wrong myself!!

A Treasure Of Secrets Hidden Under A Beautiful Smile

Phone Call

A trainee in a big multinational company dialed CEO by mistake & said,

"Hey, send a hot coffee in accounts Dept in 2 min"

CEO shouted: Do you know with whom u are talking?

Trainee: NO

CEO: I am CEO of the Company.

Trainee in the same tone: Do you know with whom you are talking?

CEO: No

Trainee said: Thank God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

& disconnected the phone.

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Name Change

Father: If u fail in exams again. Don't call me 'Dad'
.
.
.
.
.
.
After few days!

Father: Watz ur result?
?
?
?
Son: Sorry ra Subba Rao

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Killing English ……

Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls
hostel pulling cigerette... ? "

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Class teacher once said :

" pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!"

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once hindi teacher said...."i'm going out of the world to america.."

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"..DON'T TRY TO TALK IN FRONT OF MY BACK.."

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dont..laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be
fallen down.....

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it was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered.. She tried
to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. and then she said

" why is fan not oning" (ing form of on)

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teacher in a furious mood...

write down ur name and father of ur name!!

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"shhh... quiet... the principal is revolving around "

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My manager started like this

"Hi, I am Madhu, Married with two kids"

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"I'll illustrate what i have in my mind" said the professor and
erased the board

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"will u hang that calender or else i'll HANG MYSELF"

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LIBRARIAN SCOLDE ," IF U WILL TALK AGAIN , I WILL KNEEL DOWN OUTSIDE"

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Chemistry HOD comes and tells us....

"My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter"

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Tomorrow call ur parents especially mother and father

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"why are you looking at the monkeys outside when i am in the class?!"

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Lab assistant said this when my friend wrote wrong code..

"I understand. You understand. Computer how understand??

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Seing the principal passing by, the teacher told the noisy class..

"Keep quiet, the principal has passed away"

Appraisal time

This is what Bhagwan Shri Krishna wants to tell you
(Specially during appraisal time)

Hey Parth

Incentive nahi mila, Bura Hua

salary cut rahi hai, Bura Hua

Extra shift hogi, woh bhi buri hogi.

Tum pichhla incentive na milne ka paschatap na karo,

Tum agle incentive ki chinta na karo,

Bus apni salary main santusht raho....

Tumhari pocket se kya gaya, jo rote ho?

Jo aaya tha sab yahee se aaya.

Tum jab nahi the, tab bhi company chal rahi thee

Tum jab nahi hoge, tab bhi chalegee.

Tum koi experience leker nahi aaye the..

Jo experience mila yahi mila...

Jo support diya company ke liye...

Degree leker aaye the, experience leker chalo.

Jo system aaj tumhara hai...

Woh kal kisi aur ka tha....

Kal kisi aur ka or parso kisi aur ka

hoga..

Tum ise apna samajh kar kyo magan ho rahe ho..

Yahi khushi tumhari tension kaa kaaran hai.

"Kyo vyarth chinta karte ho, kisse vyarth darte ho,

Kaun tumhe nikaal sakta hai......"

Policy change company ka rule hai

Jise tum policy change kahte ho, wahi to trick hai.

"Ek pal main tum Best performer or Hero no.1 ya Super

Star ban jaate ho,

Dusre pal main tum worst performer or target nahin

achieve kar paatey ho."

Appraisal, incentive etc. etc. mann se hata do,

vichaar se mita do,

Phir company tumhari hai or tum

company ke.

na yeh increment wageyrah tumhare liye

hai

na tum iske kabhi ho,

Parantu job secure hai

Phir tum tension kyon lete ho........?

Tum apne aap ko company ko arpit kar do,

Yahi sabse bada golden

rule hai,

Jo is golden rule ko jaanta hai,

woh review, incentive,recession ,retirement

aadi se sada Ke liye muqt ho jaata hai....