Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Thinking Of You - Ammamma


Thinking of You - Ammamma
Meetings and Partings are the happenings of the world. My friend once told this to me.But at times certain people we meet touch our lives in such a way that without them, we are no longer the same. Life seems so incomplete without them.My ammamma is one such kind. She is a very independent lady and I have never seen her being dependent on anyone for anything. She is very brave and a strong willed person.Like I said, I fear staying alone, as anytime am alone..my thoughts end up thinking about ammamamma...and it feels as if she is alive..and when I think of the reality of what happened its like honey bee stinging feeling...becoz am guilty.
Today I was in train...and thinking about her...When I saw a old couple. The old lady came to me and asked me how I am and if I recognize her. I really couldnt recognize her. The next thing she asked is how is your ammammma..I was surprised and shocked and I was wondering who it was when she said she is from Desur, the village where I worked in Bank and to me she had just been one of the customers to whom I help but somehow she remembers me. She said that she had come to close her TD account to bank and I helped her a lot patiently. And she has seen me and ammamma in temple regularly. It felt good seeing her but after she left I couldnt stop thinking about the carefree days in Desur with ammamma..
I remember walking home for lunching..thinking what she would have cooked for me..I am thinking about the way we gossip and eat lunch and laugh ...She asking me to keep some good god songs...while I keeping some movie songs playing it loudly...And exactly the same time I keep the song...the loudspeaker in the village will start playing some other songs in the near by tea shop...how many moments..our temple visit...shoppings...and me playing cricket with the school boys..the kids coming for tution...the latenight movies...she sleeping in between and suddenly waking up and asking me...what happened..wow those moments..I really miss her a lot and am feeling very very very lonely..
It didnt feel like having dinner alone..without anyone near to whom I can say atleast few words about her..Even the maid had already finished her dinner.But yeah..thoughts of ammamma..was still there in heart..I wish I could talk to her. I wish whatever I write..she could read it or hear it from my thoughts..
I miss you ammmamma..I never ever could be strong like you...Wish I were and Wish I could..At times it feels really really lonely without you..With whom should I share those fears..those lonely moments..To whom I can tell that am feeling sad, am feeling helpless and who is going to make me smile with all those caring words..
The time we spent in Desur in the hut and then it the terrace..talking about stars..playing songs and listening to it...That was the time we actually were behaing like friends ammamma..I want to tell you so many things ammamma.I am feeling very lonely right now..I am feeling so stressed..I feel as if God is playing games with me...Letting me down when I need him the most...and ammmamma...wish I could see you..now for just one time.
Missing you.

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