99 reasons why beer is better than women

99 reasons why beer is better than women

1. You can enjoy a beer all month. *
2. Beer stains wash out. *
3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer. *
4. Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car. *
5. When beer goes flat you toss it out. *
6. Beer is never late. *
7. hangovers eventually go away. *
8. A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer. *
9. Beer labels come off without a fight. *
10. When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer. *
11. Beer never has a headache. *
12. After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime. *
13. A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath. *
14. If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head. *
15. You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty. *
16. A beer always goes down gently. *
17. You can share a beer with your friends and enemies. *
18. You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer. *
19. A beer is always wet. *
20. Beer doesn't demand equality. *
21. A beer doesn't care when you come. *
22. You can have a beer in public. *
23. A frigid beer is a good beer. *
24. You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good. *
25. Beer always comes in multiples of six. *
26. Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left. *
27. You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer. *
28. After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than dumping the empty bottle. *
29. A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you thirsty. *
30. When your beer is gone, you just pop another. *
31. You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod. *
32. Beer looks the same in the morning. *
33. Beer doesn't look you up in a month. *
34. Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in. *
35. Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids. *
36. Beer doesn't get cramps. *
37. Beer doesn't have a mother. *
38. Beer doesn't have morals. *
39. Beer doesn't go crazy once a month. *
40. Beer always listens and never argues. *
41. Beer labels don't go out of style every year. *
42. Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles. *
43. Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet. *
44. Beer doesn't demand legality. *
45. Beer is never overweight. *
46. If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony. *
47. Beer won't run off with your credit cards. *
48. Beer doesn't have a lawyer. *
49. Beer doesn't need much closet space. *
50. Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things. *
51. Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive. *
52. Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch. *
53. Beer never changes its mind. *
54. Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get. *
55. Beer never asks you to change the station. *
56. Beer doesn't make you go shopping. *
57. Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass. *
58. Beer will never make you go to a Swedish movie. *
59. Beer is always easy to pick up. *
60. Big, fat beers are nice to have. *
61. Beer doesn't pout or play games. *
62. Beer NEVER says no. *
63. Beer is easy to get into. *
64. Beer never complains when you take it somewhere. *
65. Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers. *
66. Beer doesn't wear a bra. *
67. Beer doesn't mind getting dirty. *
68. Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity. *
69. Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper. *
70. Beer doesn't live with its mother. *
71. Beer doesn't blow you off. *
72. Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners. *
73. Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry. *
74. Beer doesn't mind football season. *
75. A beer won't make you go to church. *
76. A beer is more likely to know how to spell "carburetor" than a woman. *
77. A beer doesn't think baseball is stupid simply because the guys spit. *
78. A beer doesn't think DOS is pronounced "dose". *
79. A beer doesn't give a toss if you keep a bunch of other beers around. *
80. A beer will not insist that those odious Michelin commercials with the babies are "cute". *
81. If a beer leaks all over the room, it smells kinda good for a while. *
82. A beer will not call you a sexist pig *
83. A beer will never make you see its parents *
84. A beer won't claim that the Three Stooges are shitheads. *
85. A beer won't raise a fuss about a little thing like leaving the toilet seat up. *
86. A beer will never stop you from watching Playboy. *
87. A beer won't whine that seatbelts hurt. *
88. A beer won't smoke in your car. *
89. A beer never watchs opera. *
90. A beer will never buy a car with automatic transmission. *
91. A beer will never complain when you disobey nature. *
92. A beer is always ready to leave on time. *
93. A beer never fishes for compliments. *
94. Some beers (e.g. St. Pauli Girl) have fabulous tits. *
95. Beer tastes good. *
96. A beer will never accuse you of rape. *
97. A beer won't raise any objections to an evening of watchin *
98. An ice-cold beer will nonetheless let you have your way with it. *
99. A beer won't make you pick up some tampons when you go to the store.