Quote du jour

“At a Democratic fundraiser in Seattle earlier this week, Vice President Biden said that Romney’s economic policies were ‘George Bush on steroids’ – as opposed to Obama’s policies, which are ‘Jimmy Carter on Ambien.’”

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

“Researchers at the University of Minnesota now say that because of the recession, women are jumping into bed with guys faster. They say women are having sex with men after just one drink, all because of the recession. Finally, we are beginning to see the true benefits of the Obama economic plan. ”

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

“The Democratic Convention is $27 million in debt. They had to cancel the kick-off event at the Charlotte Motor Speedway. A speedway is the perfect place for the Democratic Convention. You go around in circles, turn left every few seconds, and you end up right where you started. ”

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

Guantanamo Bay is now undergoing millions of dollars worth of renovations, including a new soccer field, cable TV, and better housing. Which is kind of ironic. The only people who say they’re better off today than they were four years ago are the inmates at Guantanamo Bay.

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

“Guantanamo Bay is getting millions and millions of dollars of upgrades and renovations. In fact, they’re not even calling it a detention camp anymore. It’s now a gated community.”

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

“Just two weeks after a felon in jail got 41 percent of the democratic vote in West Virginia, President Obama got embarrassed again in Arkansas yesterday when an unknown lawyer got 42 percent. See, that proves once and for all that there’s only a 1 percent difference between a lawyer and a convicted felon.”

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

A New Mexico company has petitioned the federal government to become the first U.S. business to offer horse meat for human consumption. You can get horse meat on the menu in some restaurants now. So if you’re in Albuquerque, avoid the Philly Cheese Steak. (filly cheese steak)

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

“President Obama admitted this week that a former girlfriend that he wrote about in his autobiography was made up and not a real person . . . So Obama had an imaginary girlfriend. Big deal! He had an imaginary economic plan. It’s all the same.”

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

“Fox News sent Dick Cheney flowers. (After his heart transplant) MSNBC sent chili cheese fries.”

–Jay Leno

Quote du jour

President Obama talked about rising gas prices today. He focused on the positive things his administration has done when it comes to energy prices. So, in other words, it was the shortest speech he’s ever given.

–Jay Leno